I get a little overwhelmed sometimes. This is kind of a new thing for me. I'm an active girl and I keep busy. And I mean BUSY. A full time day job PLUS I teach improv classes; I write/direct/produce sketch comedy; and if I'm lucky, I get a dinner theater acting gig. And then there are the social obligations. I'm rarely home. My cat, if he could speak, would attest to that. I like to keep busy. A packed schedule for me means I maintain control over my life.
My father died in February. When I got back from the two weeks I spent in Boston, the life that I had built in Austin seemed like a blur. Everyone cautioned me to take it slow. I was told to ask for anything I needed from many friends and acquaintances. But then it seemed like time to get back to work, time to get back to the hustle and bustle of my life, to move on. So I did. I'm busy again.
The thing is, I don't know that I've totally healed the wound my father's death caused in my heart. And I'm not sure how to fix it. I've tried to ease up on my schedule but sitting around just makes me sad. I pray. I talk about it with my boyfriend. But I just don't feel the same. I just don't feel like I'm all there. I'm just going through the motions. I feel kind of numb. And I'm not sure what my next step is.
And that never happens to me.
I'm so sorry, Amy. I've never experienced a loss as big as yours so I can only offer my heartfelt love and support. In those quiet moments of prayer, putting aside what you think is possible or reasonable or prudent....what do you feel you OUGHT to do, if you could? Maybe your dad is trying to help guide you in a whole new direction. Maybe it'll just take a little more time to see what that new path is. I hope. Praying for you and sending you lots of love and hugs through cyberland.....
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